Small feet, Big steps

My daughter, Laura, went to daycare for the first time last week. I was so proud of her. I was a mess, but she did great.

We woke up early, knowing that we can never leave the house in a timely fashion. Quickly ate breakfast, packed lunch for dad, brushed teeth, woke Laura up and got her dressed. And even though I had packed her bag like she was headed to boot camp for a month, we still were trying find things like coats, hats, mittens, and of course, blanket, Frosty (stuffed snowman she carries everywhere), her Ugly Worm (see here if you don't know what Ugly Dolls are -they're so ugly, they're cool), and then she wanted wa wa (water). Took forever and of course we were late.

For some reason I felt like it was my first day of school, not hers. We call it that. School. She can even say it. Way easier than daycare, and it kind of comes out as 'cool.' We walk in and already I am having a hard time keeping the tears in check. I go into protective mom mode and ask the poor teacher thirty million questions. I know I am the type of parent that they must bitch about during lunch break, but who cares, she's my baby. My snugglebunny. My pal, my bud, my love, my heart, my sugar, my everything. Am I glad she's going to daycare? You bet. Will I miss her? Completely. I know this is a good step for us. I keep repeating this in my head as I watch Dad get her out of her coat. You are probably thinking, 'you both went to drop her off?' Yep, we did. Our picture is next to 'helicopter parents' in the dictionary.

We have a brief moment of being a bit scared of all the new faces and kids running around, and she kind of just takes a minute to soak everything in. She's my little observer. But she sees something right away that she likes and off she goes. Laura immediately goes to the slide and climbs up. We now have asked the teacher every question we can think of, and relate to her every detail of our daughter, like how she says 'no' for everything, has poops in the morning (good luck), and has never slept anywhere but the crib. Oh and did we say yet that she couldn't wait for breakfast and ate a whole snack bag of ranch flavored goldfish on the way over? Forgetting we have had the camera in the coat pocket, Dad whips it out and takes one quick picture before we go, and it's of Laura on the slide looking a little dazed. Not the best picture, but hey, we got one. We say goodbye to Laura quickly, and she has this look on her face like 'whaaa? you are leaving?' It's never occurred to her that her parents would abandon her so soon in her delicate life. Well, not really, but that's how it feels to me. All she knows is 'there are some strange looking people in this room, but hey, there's a slide, so I'm cool.' Until mom and dad leave and her world is shattered. For five minutes.

Yep, while I am driving off only to pull off to the side of the road and cry a river (ironically the road was next to the Florida river), Laura has quieted down and is laughing within mintues of our departure. The daycare lady was so happy to share that with me during my phone call only an hour later. Witch. Took too much joy in sharing that my daughter is an angel and they've never had anyone adjust so quickly. For some reason I wanted to stick a hot poker in the daycare lady's eye. My first thought - 'an angel? my daughter? the one who is hitting her terrible twos early?' My second - why wasn't she upset, scared and crying, like I was darn it! But truly, after listening to the teacher with her reassuring words, my heart started to rejoice, and take a big sigh of relief, because no, that isn't what I really wanted for Laura. Deep inside I knew that it was better that she was happy there. I could leave her at the school knowing she was safe and she was happy. She was secure, she was learning new things, she was seeing other children, she was okay being away from Mommy. That was the whole point of this in the first place. Mommy needed a break, a chance to do something for herself, and in turn become a better mommy too. She took this big step towards independence with those tiny little feet that make tiny, wobbly steps. I am so proud of her. And proud of me too. The rest of the day I just kind of moped, but each day gets better, and I have started making plans.

She made it through the whole day, even napped on the cot they provide, and when I came to pick her up she was all smiles until I said it was time to go. The 'angel' disappeared and out came crabelina. She didn't want to go. The stinker.